Category Archives: Self-Development

All the World’s a Stage

all the world a stage

Sometimes you learn new stuff, which you, some time later, promptly forget. Probably, it wasn’t as useful as you thought it was. Time is an excellent judge that way.

Conversely, when you re-remember something you learned a while ago, it is probably a sign that it is useful. I experienced this with the Dancing Monkey meme.

I noticed that lately I tended to get along better with people in my professional life than in my personal life. This puzzled me. I was still the same person, right? Then I realized: nonsense, I’m exactly not the same person.

In my professional life, my income is related to how well I get along with people. Consequently, I play a role that people like, which role I guess you might call a 17th-century gentleman. People like this role – it is colorful, mysterious and slightly larger than life. Thus, social success.

In my private life, I am less inclined to put energy into my act. I have come to the realization that, privately, I am a bit of an asshole. Well, professionally I am also a little bit of an asshole, but professionally I am a charismatic asshole. Privately I’m just an asshole. I am overly critical, including with friends. I must come around from my initial agreement with Aristotle’s definition of friendship; my new opinion is that Aristotle was a spoiled boomer whose high status ensured that his friends were yes-nodders, tricking Aristotle into thinking his friends accepted him for who he was at heart, and not his monkey dance. Nonsense. Your values never completely align with other people’s values. They might show great overlap, but they never completely align. You and your friends will have differences of opinion. That’s just the way it is.

The dancing monkey meme says we are performers. It is leftist nonsense that people accept you for ‘who you are’. No one accepts you for just who you are, or at least, no one cares for you as you are, not even your momma. It’s like, have the personality of a rock, get treated like a rock.

In my professional life, I have the personality of a minor rock star, so I get treated like a minor rock star. In my private life, I have the personality of a curt asshole, so I get treated like a curt asshole. This realization made a lot of sense to me, with the only thing still puzzling me being the fact that my girl loves me for who I am in my private life, but then I realized that women love curt assholes, so even that made sense.

There is no way around the dancing monkey meme, no way to get away with ‘just being yourself.’ Your dance must add value. If it does not, you can always turn to leftism, but if you turn to the left, be prepared for the left to turn on you.

The world’s a stage. When you interact, you act. You put up a small show. People can pick up on some subtleties, but generally, bigger gestures do better. As you grow older, you become a more pronounced version of yourself, because that makes it easier for everyone to make sense of your dance.

And everyone means everyone, including friends. Good friends are merely men who enjoy acting together, enjoy dancing together, if that metaphor does not sound too gay. Thus, the eternal introvert realization: if I spend my social energy performing professionally, why should I want to exert much more social energy performing privately?

Which leaves the final question: what role am I performing on this blog, for you, my reader dearest of dearest? I guess I’ll leave the answer to you.



Today I will tell you why my blog is named AlfaNL.

It is named alfa because at the time of creating this blog, 5 years ago, I was still sort of working out how to get laid, and getting laid is all about being alpha, so I just named it what was on my mind most, NL referring to my country of origin. Finally, the reason it is spelled alfa, not alpha, is because I first wrote this blog in Dutch.

I feel that now, years later, I have finally solved the puzzle of being alfa in a way that I can explain. I could’ve titled this ‘THE SECRET TO BEING ALFA’ but I think this title is better. After all, the secret to being alfa is strength.

I’ve already touched on this in a kingdom for the introvert.

The most important lesson I learned as an introvert is this: don’t show weakness. Extroverts, hell, people in general, come down on weakness like a ton of bricks. They sniff out weakness, and introverts in public society all too often display body language revealing that they are uncomfortable, that they want to disappear, that they want to be ignored. They signal weakness. Displays of weakness arouse disgust. I’ll repeat that once again because it is such a crucial point for introverts: displays of weakness arouse disgust. It’s like seeing a cockroach.

So, I stopped showing weakness. In fact I do the exact opposite: I signal that I am a threat, that if you disturb me I will come at you, like those poisonous animals in the jungle with bright colors. Works like a charm.

A successful introvert, yesterday

The more I go looking for a fight, the less fights I get in.

Very true, very wise, and the more I live to this principle, the better it works for me.

Different things work for different people. But, the fundamentals of strength are universal, and I will attempt to explain them now.

There’s different kinds of strength, but most obvious is bodily strength: size, muscles, and the body language that flows from that. For an easy example, check:

That is basic cookiecutter alfa walk: straight up posture, swagger (walking with rhythm), chin tilted up, easy-going. Notice how his back muscles push away his shoulders from his torso, increasing the distance between his arms and torso, making him even bigger.

All of this goes back to the jungle; who is the biggest monkey? The guy who acts like the biggest monkey is the biggest monkey.

My sole objection is that his suit, especially his pants, are a size too big.

Anyway. Displaying strength like that, if only slightly less exaggerated, is what gets you respect, not just from chicks, from dudes as well. Strength is the most powerful tool of persuasion.

So, go to the gym and lift iron. Put on some weight, or if you have too much of it, lose some, although being slightly overweight is preferable to slightly underweight. Don’t worry if you’re small, skinny, or disadvantaged in some other way; work the advantages you have, that is enough. Remember, Connor McGregor fights in the featherweight division.

Very important part of strength is health. Displaying strength is displaying health. So, in order to show strength, you must be sure you are healthy. How be healthy?

This is a hard question to answer, first because people are different, second because we are surrounded by an incredible amount of lies concerning our health. As a rule of thumb, I don’t believe nutrition experts, physiotherapists. Doctors I take with a major grain of salt. Their advice is vague, contradictory and subject to silly fashions. For instance, when I experienced muscle pains, every paid expert advised stretching exercises which I was supposed to do for the rest of my life. Did them for a while. Didn’t really work. Then I went to the gym, did heavy compound exercises with barbells, and whaddya know: pain disappeared.  I have yet to meet the first health expert who advised me to do heavy squats.

Similarly I experienced pain in my hands, especially my thumbs, which makes sense because I like gaming. Overpaid health experts gave me a bunch of stretching exercises. Did not really work. I reasoned that if heavy lifting worked for the rest of my body, perhaps it would work for my hands. So I made up some lifting exercises for my hands. Whaddya know: pain disappeared.

I knew this guy who was a regular at the gym. He and I must’ve attended about as often, even though I’m sure he did extra sporting activities like cycling and running. He was the kind of guy who’d tell you about his marathon activities while sipping from a green cucumber/carrot concoction. Of course, instead bench pressing and pull-ups, he would do cardio exercises and light lifting. And, surprise surprise: he looked unhealthy. Skinny and worn-out. Which made sense, because he was wearing out his body in order to score holiness fit points.

A lot of injury-sensitive sports are unhealthy in the same way: scoring holiness fitness points is often more important than actually being healthy. Marathon running is not good for your health. Rugby, while manly, is not good for your health. Listen to your body. If you experience repeated injury because of an activity that is supposedly healthy for you, your body trying to tell you something important. Listen to what it is saying!

I believe that the natural state of the body is to be healthy. Exceptions aside, if you are ill on a regular basis (e.g. in that you have to call in sick, lie on bed all day), it is very likely that your body is trying to tell you something is wrong. Listen to your body! Interestingly, the bodily pain you experience might very well not be the result of bad diet or health habits. Often it is psychological; that your body transcribes your psychological state into a physiological state. Thus, if you’re not happy, this often expresses itself in body pain. An often occurring and dreaded visit for doctors is the spinster lady with unexplainable stomach pains.  The doctor knows what causes the stomach pains, you and I know what causes the stomach pains, but no one is bold enough to tell the spinster ladies and it is too late for them anyway.

Since you are probably not an old spinster: find what makes you unhappy, correct for it. If this means quitting your job, quit your job. If this means breaking contact with people close to you, be it your lover or your family, do it.

So here we see how strength in mental health is related to strength in physical health, and how it is of little use to focus on building physical health when your mental health is lacking. Lots of people pretend to be happier than they are, but the truth always shines through in their body language.

We are wired to know our standing in the socio-sexual hierarchy. If you want to climb up, repair in your life what makes you unhappy, instead of pretending you don’t give a fuck. You give a fuck; everybody at some level gives a fuck. you know it, I know, everybody knows it, and pretending you don’t just isn’t a good long-term strategy. Quit what makes you unhappy, don’t worry if it lowers your status; I know happy garbage men who get much more and higher quality pussy than depressed suit-and-tie businessmen.

Now, diet. I find diet is highly personal. I eat lots of meat, lots of fat (I drown my cooking pan in butter), lots of carbohydrates, a decent amount of vegetables and a little bit of fruit. I also take creatine, weightgain and potato chips because I want to be as not-skinny as possible. Diet is personal; experiment with what works for you. Simple guidelines: don’t be cucumber/carrot guy, meat is good, the more processed a food is, the less good it is, many carbohydrates gain weight, fewer carbohydrates lose weight.

As for sleep: it’s important. Sleeping rests the body, but also rests the mind. Dreaming is our way to process all the stuff that happens throughout the day. Dreams are also our subconscious’ way of communicating with us; listen to them! It’s been over a year since I stopped sleeping with a pillow, instead resting my head on the mattress just like the rest of my body. I believe it sends more blood into my head, makes my dreams livelier. But again, might just be personal.

I’ve come to love afternoon naps. Right after lunch, no longer than half an hour. Since those naps I have energy to do my thing all day, and not crash on the couch in the afternoon / evening. It’s the closest thing I have to an effective lifehack.

Drugs, if cautioned for addictive properties, are good for your consciousness. Nicotine stimulates neurons, makes you think faster. Marihuana makes me creative. Alcohol makes me social. XTC makes me love life.

Moving on to social strength. Social strength, in a nutshell, means don’t blink in a game of chicken. Games of chicken occur when people test you, and you test people, which happens all the time. In traffic it happens when a guy cuts you off, in the gym it happens when tattooed big muscly guy bumps into you, in flirting with women it happens when she says you’re too old for her. Rule of thumb: don’t blink, push back. Be prepared to cut off the guy in traffic, be prepared to bump big muscly guy back, be prepared to laugh off shit-test and tell the woman that you’re old enough to be her daddy.

If you accept that it’s OK for your car to have scratches you’ll be miles ahead of everyone else, because most people go to great lengths to avoid scratches.

The greatest benefit of not blinking and pushing is that it gains you respect. Most people prefer to be liked, but I prefer to be respected: it is less whimsical, more robust. When people respect you, they are automatically more inclined to like you.

With projecting strength comes a certain loneliness. It is the knowledge that you are responsible for your life, your territory, your family. No one else is going to do it for you; not the government, not your family, not your friends. Your life hinges on you. Thus, if things go good, pat yourself on the back. You’ve earned it. I call this the satisfying loneliness of being a rightist male. It is contrary to the unnerving social life of a leftist male; the leftist male has, as an advantage, that he is plugged into a bigger hivemind. But the hivemind has big influence on his state of mind, and he is constantly re-assessing his standing, is constantly being re-assessed by the hivemind. Quite stressful. I prefer my way.

Social strength is more than just walking around like a silverback. African men intuitively act like silverback monkeys, and this works, but they are outclassed by white men, because white men know how to behave like 18th century gentlemen, which is a more complex form of strength. It demonstrates situational awareness: what is my appropriate role in this situation? With women one needs softness, with children one needs playfulness, with men one needs to observe, sometimes strike. Finesse is needed in every situation, sometimes more finesse than I have. But, in every scenario, when in doubt, it is always better to err on the side of showing too much strength than to err on the side of too little strength.

Important to note is that while projecting social strength at times seems like magic, it can rarely be used to change fundamental frame. E.g. if you act like the boss around your boss, you won’t get away with that. People are aware of their roles, and even if they have insecurities you can play into, their insecurities will often only strengthen their roleplaying.

If you know how to project social strength, it is remarkable what becomes possible. Once you hit that sweet spot you will notice that men imitate you and women want to be with you. Life becomes a joy.

To illustrate: I am the most right-wing guy I know. I am also, if I am to believe my friends, a very not nuanced guy (to which I reply: ‘nonsense, I am the most nuanced guy around!’). Yet, I rarely get in trouble, I even have some leftist friends. Why? Because I project strength. Everybody likes a strong horse. I know for a fact that if I were to show weakness, if my health failed, my big mouth stopped running, my muscles shrunk, I would lose standing and get in trouble. I know this because I have experienced it in the past. But I have learned and know that as long as I show strength, I will be fine.




Paranoia is an interesting emotion. If paranoia is music, is high-pitched violins, although paranoia does not have to be feverish. Can be on-the-low, like an subtle itch you just can’t  scratch.

Paranoia is regarded as a ‘wrong’ emotion. If someone is being paranoid, someone is being needlessly fearful, or schizophrenic, or silly in some other sense. Nonsense.

Mao Zedong and Stalin were both paranoid men, grew increasingly paranoid throughout their life. And with reason; at certain point in his life, chairman Mao was wiretapped by members of his own staff. Both men reacted to their feelings of paranoia by moving against allies they distrusted, allies who might have been plotting against them, and consequently both kept their enemies at bay until their death.

With paranoia the point is not to be exactly right, for Mao and Stalin both acted against quite a number of allies they distrusted but who were not actually plotting against them. It is better to act against a few false positives than to miss any true positives.

Paranoia is an entirely logical emotion, a safeguard mechanism against betrayal. Fact of life is that you can trust few people. People you grew up with, perhaps, but how many people did you grow up with versus the amount of people you interact with on day-to-day-basis, and how many of the people you grew up with do you fully trust? You can trust people to look out for themselves, you can not trust them to look out for your best interest. If deemed useful to betray you, solid chance they betray you.

Which is not to say loyalty is fake, or love isn’t real. Just that betrayal is also real. Out-grouping comes as natural to us as in-grouping and is by nature not announced — as the wisdom concerning women goes, when communication between you and a women breaks down she will not tell you, because that’s what broken down communication means. So it is between men; people will not inform you of their betrayal. Paranoia is our way to cover the breach.

People might call someone overly paranoid as a slur, but you might as well say someone is overly angry, overly depressed, overly fearful, even overly joyful. Paranoia is an emotion like any other, has an important role to fulfill.

So, paranoia is healthy. Keeps us alive and kicking. Should be cherished and respected.

It is a lonely emotion. With whom will you share your paranoia? Surely not your enemies. Probably also not your in-group, for paranoia concerns your safety in relation to your in-group, so if they assure you nothing is wrong, you are stupid to take it at face value. It is all the more dangerous because professing paranoia to your in-group professes doubt, insecurity, weakness, which heightens the possibility of betrayal.

Paranoia deals with the unknown. You don’t know everything that’s going on, you can’t know everything that’s going on. Your enemies will often feed your paranoia as to make you fear them more than you should, but other enemies might downplay your paranoia as to make you fear them less than you should.

Thus, paranoia is something you deal with privately, although it is great to consult others in your in-group who are not involved in the matter to which your paranoia pertains. I find my girl often gives me good perspective. But, in the end, the decision to act upon paranoia is yours alone.

RSD’s purple pill, one last time.

So I used to be in an inner circle. The kind that RSD, the biggest company in the PUA industry promoted. RSD is still standing, my old inner circle not so much. RSD, for those single men interested, offers neatly packed purple pills for mass consumption. Roosh, Heartiste and Rollo Tomassi offer much better information but in all honesty they just don’t deliver the slicked neatness of RSD. I mean, RSD is scamming you, sure, but it’s a scam they’ve worked very hard on (as they are apt to repeat in every seminar). There were guys in our circle who paid up to €2000,- for a weekend bootcamp by 1 RSD guy with slightly above average game. 2000 euros!

Now I am not saying that these guys didn’t throw away their money because they did. But I am saying that there is no need to feel bad about yourself if you’ve paid thousands of dollars to self-proclaimed success coaches. Quite the contrary: congratulations, you’ve been scammed by the best.

See, most people are too scared to act out their passions. Fear is an activity blocker for people, an inertia mechanism designed to avoid unnecessary risks. You, however, acted beyond your fears even with polite society telling you your masculine urges are toxic and evil. Which tells me I can trust you because you have put skin in the game concerning your own masculinity.

Unfortunately trusting RSD does not translate into banging a bunch of hot chicks, because RSD scams (it turns out society is not the only one socially conditioning you). The problem with a good scam is that you can rarely convince people who are in the process of being scammed that they are being scammed. A scam requires 2 to dance. It is only in hindsight, after people have spent thousands of dollars and find themselves in the exactly the same spot they were in before that they are amenable to your insight. People search for explanations fitting their personal situation, not the other way around.

But if by lucky coincidence you find yourself amenable to my insight, let me offer you the following. Let’s say I know the secret to life. I easily seduce and bang hot girls. I have successful business rolling. I’m in perfect physical shape and I have a social circle that includes playing golf with Trump and wrestling bears with Putin. If all this were true, would I spend all my time cataloging my secrets for the public? For money?? Why would I? Perhaps it would interest me for a year or so as a side-project, but surely it’d bore me in the end. Only insecure men talk hours-on-end about the secrets of success. Secure men simply have more interesting thing to do. Now remind me how long Tyler has been doing what he has been doing. 15 years or so?

No doubt Scott Adams would do a better job de-hypnotising RSD-fanboys, but this will have to do. For those wanting me to simply piss on RSD:
– A man is only content when he owns a girl, e.g. when she belongs to him, bears his children and is not fucked by any other men (h/t Jim). RSD instructors do not own any girl, therefore are unhappy men and unqualified to help other men.
– RSD promotes girls’ promiscuity because they bang a lot of sluts. Chaste girls are high value but RSD claims they are equal in value to sluts in order to preserve crappy self-image.

The answer to a good scam is rarely to deconstruct the scam itself because it takes 2 to dance. Little effect in throwing yourself into the dance as third wheel. Better to let the scammer hang himself by his own noose. I have no doubt that Tyler generally is very sincere about his beliefs, e.g. he believes his own bullshit. Sure. Let him have it. Let him face the consequences of believing his own bullshit. That is all.