2 leftists walk into a bar. They order beers and talk about the birds and the bees. Soon the topic of conversation turns serious, philosophical. “You can never know absolute truth.” says the first. “Truth is subjective” replies the second, “we might be living in the matrix.” The first raises an eyebrow. “You can not know that. We know nothing. For all we know I don’t exist.” The second raises his voice: “How do you know you don’t exist? For all we know I don’t exist!” The first shakes his head. “no no that is all wrong. Reality is a narrative constructed by our biased perception. How do we even know this bar is real?”
The second one loudly puts down his beer on the bar. “Well how do we know the universe is even real!”
The men are silent for a moment. Clearly they are at a stalemate. The first breaks the silence: “I am a journalist for a prestigious newspaper. 2 million people read my articles.”
– “I host an influential tv-show” says the second, “also watched by 2 million people.” The men fall silent again.
“I have written about the dangers of global warming destroying our planet many times” says the first. “I have invited global warming experts on my panel” says the second.
“Well I had an African woman write a guest column once.”
– “Yes I had her on my show.”
“I have anonymously donated half a million dollars to Amnesty International. People don’t talk enough about how important freedom of speech is.”
– “I have, also anonymously, donated a similar amount to War Child. The things happening to these children is just too horrible.”
“I was the first to write about Trump’s connections with Russia.”
– “I often talk about the possibility of Trump launching World War 3.”
The first man takes out his phone, shows a picture of his wife. The second man in response shows a picture of his wife. They are equally mediocre. The stalemate continues.
The men sit for a while and stare into their half-empty glasses. The first man sighs, scrolls over to his bank account and shows it to the second man. The second man becomes triumphant and shows his bank account, which is larger. “Hah!” he exclaims, “told you so. We can not possibly know reality.” “Yeah”, says the first, “I guess you are right.”