Regrets

When I was young I thought I could be anything. So I invested in everything, kept an open mind for anything. I was friendly towards strangers, open towards different points of view,  trustworthy of systems as education and academia. I trusted modernity. Of course the act of trusting modernity implies a necessary level of narcissism for a healthy individual will only function well in spite of modernity, never because of modernity. In order words; I was conceited as fuck.

It does not rest my conscience if I remind myself that I always had some doubt. If a girl senses a guy is a player but is still pumped and dumped by him it does not matter. The proof is in eating the pudding. I ate the pudding for plenty years. It fills me with disgust.

Lies are everywhere. Turn on the tv, then turn it off in disgust. Turn off your music to hear other people’s opinions, then turn it back on louder to drown out the nonsense. Lies lies lies, spread with the sole purpose of tearing apart the long-term fabric of tradition for short-term PROFIT. Comforting lies that even your loved ones vomit from their mouths. A successful con always involves 2 people for an innocent man can not be conned. We crave a good lie and I fear modernity’s lie is too powerful for this generation to shrug off. We shall sacrifice our lives to this idol. Perhaps future generations will learn from our mistakes. Perhaps not.

I never built anything for myself because I was operating on the unspoken assumption that everyone builds for everyone. But this is not how life works. Life is to eat or to be eaten. In my teenage years I felt my body was invincible and I treated it as such. Now I am older and I start to feel weaknesses in my body. Nothing all too frightening, but the first cracks nonetheless. It scares me. It fills me with regret over lost years.

The system is set up in such a way that entropy will increase. The older generation does not care for they will die before the pension system collapses. The younger generation does not care yet for they believe that the system will keep them safe. I share neither conviction. The man with open eyes knows he is very vulnerable. He must build something that he may call his own or else this monster of modernity will surely devour him.

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